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Like so many adults who come back to horses after a hiatus of 20 plus years, I am learning dressage for fun and relaxation. But the same "Type A" qualities that make women so successful in our careers, relationships and families also are the same qualities that make us crazy as we try to meet the same high standards in our riding activities that we do for everything else.
How can hosting an elegant dinner for 12 or making a presentation before 100 colleagues be so easy for someone who's instructor needs to remind her weekly which shoulder goes back in haunches-in? |
Dressage is brutal on perfectionists but like Icarus we are all drawn to it despite the toll it exacts on our self-esteem. The question is, how do we avoid burning out with the frustration that is inherent as we juggle multiple adult responsibilities while attempting to make our middle age bodies perform the equivalent of ballet on horseback while we play chess?
In a sport that is synonymous with multitasking, my salvation has been learning to enjoy the moment while following a consistent plan. For me, following a program that uses a building block approach to basic classical horsemanship techniques appeals not only to my ongoing need for structure and order, it also gives me a way to measure my progress.
This may sound like common sense but I will be the first (and I am certain not only) one to admit that reaching this point was not easy. When I bought my first horse at forty-something, I had to make up for lost time! In my desperation to excel, I attended all kinds of clinics and
shows, watched dozens of videos and, of course, took lessons from a variety of trainers (and yes, I admit it, in a variety of disciplines!) While each method had something to
offer, the problem was me. As I tried the "training tip du jour" I was making both me and my poor horse absolutely crazy. In retrospect I can see my lack of progress was really the result of a lack of a plan and focus because I was certainly investing enough time, money and energy in my pursuit of excellence. ..whatever that was?
The lesson I learned, which only took me six years and thousands of dollars, is that what worked best for me was chosing--and then regularly following-- one method. What this means in practice is weekly lessons from an instructor who has the same passion for both the discipline and learning that I do. Like me, she attends regular clinics from a trainer who inspires her, ensuring a constant flow of fresh insights and new and different ways to approach the same problems. This consistent approach has helped me relax and learn to savor my small successes. More importantly, it has helped me understand that sometimes the worst rides provide the best opportunities for learning. While I still haven't learned to welcome those opportunities, at least a bad ride no longer makes me feel like I would have been better off taking up knitting! Fortunately I was lucky enough to find an excellent trainer who helped me focus my energies. I am learning to give my horse the consistent cues he needs to be comfortable. I haven't had a "bad" ride in months and our training sessions seem to be as much fun for him as they are for me. The tail wringing, teeth gnashing hollow-backed ride from hell is gone and in its place is a supple, balanced and happy horse who is a pleasure to ride.
I have to laugh when one of my 40+ co-boarders comments about "what an easy ride Zen is". Actually that couldn't be further from the truth. My horse is a 20 year old arthritic Thoroughbred who is extremely sensitive. Tolerant is definitely not in his vocabulary. But I also know he appreciates having a rider who is finally learning to balance herself, not hang on his mouth and is at least capable of asking for "whatever" the same way twice!
Does this mean there was no other way for me to accomplish my goals? Absolutely not! But I firmly believe that for most novice riders, the eclectic approach of trying this from one trainer and using a different philosophy from another is a direct route to an incredible amount of frustration for both you and your horse. Somebody once said it takes two lifetimes to learn dressage. For people like me, it is more like three! But by choosing a training philosophy, developing a plan and focusing on it, you can make more progress than you ever thought possible and enjoy every moment you are doing it!
Susan Armitage is a Type AAA novice who rides dressage "just for fun". Her sources of inspiration include her trainer, her best barn buddy and her horse, Zen, who has taught her more patience than she ever thought possible. Thoughts? E-mail sarmitage@molex.com
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